SHE WHO ENTANGLES MEN

September 7, 2013

LOVE IS THE ANSWER!!!

Filed under: LOVE,PAST,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 8:26 am

Love is the answer

I was asked while ago how did I become who I am from someone at work. Why I love everyone even if someone hurts me I’ll still show love.

 

I think I changed a lot… It’s true. I can see it and feel it. I have forgiven people I thought I would never forgive. I have wished them well from bottom of my heart. Health and love is my biggest wish for everyone.

 

Was a day when someone speaks of me with lies and tries to get me in trouble meant revenge to me that I would plan slowly but painfully… I used to think the more I made them suffer the happier I would get…

 

Took me years but now I can say that was so wrong… When I planned the revenge it hurt me even more because that meant I had to think of the pain they caused me for long time, which caused even more pain…

 

When I noticed I changed my ways was a year or so back… Why would a beautiful woman, successful in higher position than I am and better financial situation talk about me lies trying to have some people fight with me… Yes I got angry for some hours, maybe a day… Slept on it. Woke up next morning calm… I started looking at the problem and reason from outside the situation. A beautiful woman used getting all eyes all attention all the compliments to her way, suddenly someone with more weight, always known with no make up, lower educational level and someone people never have to interact with much to now her way of thinking.

 

Suddenly I was there, had better answers to questions were asked, I had sexy still elegant dress on that made my extra kilos look like amazing beautiful curves, my makeup was low but enough to give a sine to my skin. All men around gave me compliments instead of her; every now and then loudly someone compliments how amazed they are of my answer… She was in a shock. She was angry… She was me 10 years back living in pain inside looking for revenge… So she said what she said…

 

Month later was sorry for what she did as I never even let her know that her painful words have reached me. I forgave her in less that 2 days after hearing what she said. People might see her as not very nice person, envious or even evil… But what I think she is ok and lovely person most of the time but maybe just hurt because of the community she grew in. Now when she talk to me she is even nicer than before unfortunate incident that happened.

 

Forgive… I can’t forget though, I wish I could forget it would help be even better!!

 

I Love myself. I love people around me as a result.

 

Also I was lucky to love a man who loves me back even more…

 

I guess I am better because of LOVE… LOVE is the answer!!!   

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April 1, 2013

I THINK SOUL-MATES… ARE……….

Filed under: ALI DADI,BAHRAIN,FAMILY,FRIENDS,LOVE,PAST,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 5:24 pm

soul

I was talking about love to a friend of mine.

 

After reading Brida by Paulo Coelho as I advised him 2 years ago, he seemed to be wondering about soul-mates. So he asked me of what I thought of it…

In my life, after Brida and few other books… I did get to a conclusion we have many soul mates. Some are meant to help you through few months, some for years and some for life time. And some to help you just for few days. Doesn’t mean they are not meant for you or they are not your soul-mate, it only means they were there for a reason in your life building and your life path.

Ali I love a lot. And yes I feel he is the one. He makes me smile. He knows to handle my difficult days and moments… and believe me I am SO DIFFICULT… When no one else in the world that I have met was able to do so.

He is 5.5 years younger than me, but I do not feel that. And to be honest I felt this way (or thought I did) towards someone else before who was some years older than me which my feelings lasted few months, and a man who was my age which my feelings lasted for around a year… So those two men came in different times where I was in need for them, to show me the path, to show me lessons and maybe to teach me about my own self! So their time passed. Doesn’t mean I stopped loving them but my love for them changed, they were not my soul-mate anymore.

Do I miss anyone from the past? Yeh sometimes I would miss something or someone, but would I leave Ali for that if I get the chance to have it back? My answer is still NO…

Every now and then someone passes, maybe reminds me of something I miss. Or gets me excited in a way or another… I take step back and think… This person is he worth loosing Ali for? The excitement he offers is it worth leaving my life and love for Ali… Answer still today comes to my head and it’s NO…

So maybe Ali is the final path in my relationship life for me… my lasting soul-mate… But do I believe beyond reasonable doubt that this will last forever??? NO… There is always a chance his time ends and I have some other soul mate to go another path with. Or he would have another soul-mate to another path with.

I’ll give you an example… My mum is married 3 times and divorced 3 times… Her sister (my Aunt) has been with her husband for 41 years… I asked my mum about my aunt’s secret and everyone else’s who lasts so long with one person as now I see my Ali’s parents. She told me that there is no such thing as easy path and unconditional love. There has been for sure someone younger, cuter, lovable, exciting or promising that has passed through both of their lives and paths… And if not someone passing through their lives it would be the difficulties that must have faced them through the way… She did not mean someone cheated nor had sex with someone else… But that they had to stop… they had to make the hard decision… Do I choose my long life partner, or this another life that looks more fun?? They chose… They had to choose one way!! They are still together shows what way they chose!!! Some people can’t continue together for some reasons, some people choose easy way out but that is their right to choose, we cannot force someone to live a life they did not choose!!

I am not good hiding my past so everyone knows who I am… I am loud, clumsy, a mess, and really difficult with my unbelievable mood swings… Ali loves me the way I am… He thinks my bad side is worth handling because my good side is worth keeping… And I think the same about him.

I think soul-mates… are partners that make you feel good for being WHO YOU ARE… Same time you love them for WHO THEY ARE…

 

I truly hope he is my for everlasting soul-mate!!

 

 

May 18, 2012

I rather not use labels

Filed under: BEAUTY,FINLAND,PAST,SAD — by noracassandra @ 4:46 pm

I know 2 posts in one day is something I haven’t done for years… But I saw something reminded me of sometime from the past… and of people i have met and heard of lately… so I had to write!!!!

So it was… A stranger on your steps. Looking exactly like a person you never wanted to inter your house. But you welcome them as you have been taught the ways to do so. You great them with respect you were brought up with. You offer them something to drink. You serve them some of your humble bread. You never ask them to stop expressing who they are and you study them without them noticing.

You like what you hear, you stop looking at their clothing at their hair and at their shoes… You look deep in their eyes and souls. You start smiling at them. You laugh at their jokes and agree with their statements.

Suddenly you realize you missed judged them simply for being different. You understand people can different from you are but still great to have around.

This reminds me of my one time work day with Circus Mundus Absurdus in Finland. It was in Imatra. Very scary people I thought… Horrible looking… Trouble act… And I was not comfortable at all around them. After the show they sat with me… Make up was removed off their faces… The blood was wiped of their skin… And funny thing was contact lenses were taken off to put on cute eyeglasses. Conversations started. Suddenly I realized I was talking to an amazing high degree university holder. We went to a club after where we were all invited as guests of honor and music started and it moved this man like I have never seen a white man move before to find out he was before his career a professional ballet dancer. Ballet, philosophy, kindness and sweetness were no what expected from men looking like they did. Well I was wrong! I realized I had the human’s bad habit to judge by look and say the book can be judged by it’s cover… I realized I was wrong doing so.

Today when someone comes by looking like … well I rather not use labels… I will simply say who am I to judge? And what if this person is much higher, more beautiful, smarter or simply much more good inside out than I would ever be? Who am I to call names people simply because they look different or come from different background.

Watch this video for inspiration… and think of all the people who judged her because she looked different!

January 20, 2012

2012 ?!?! Thank you GOD!

Filed under: ALI DADI,BAHRAIN,FAMILY,FRIENDS,LOVE,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL,WORK,WRITING — by noracassandra @ 11:42 am

2012…

If this year is really bringing destruction, disasters and even the end of the world this is what I have to say.

I’m turning 34 this year.

I have a daughter that is healthy (enough), 3rd in her class even if it is first ever time for her studying in English and has missed a whole year before this, who speaks reads and writes 3 +1/2 (starting French) languages… Who is a wonderful young lady who helped me so much throughout her 12 years (13 this years)… Who I can speak to as a friend, as a daughter and as (my care taker) Sometimes, ex; when I’m sick.

I have found a man who I love so much. Who makes me feel like a little girl, like a woman, friend, wife and lover all at the same time! A man who makes me to get over my stress (which who ever knows me knows it’s impossible mission)… A man who finds the way to make me smile even when I’m getting my period (worst time of the month to talk to me)… A man who still can make me feel beautiful even when I have a bloated stomach (health problem I suffer from regularly)… A man who I can spend hours talking to with him listening to me and sharing opinions without trying to force his opinion on mine!

I have friends all around the world who actually love me and I love them. Friends that I do not have to ask daily or weekly about but when I need them they are there for me, and when they need me I’m there for them! They might not be more than 15 all together maybe not even 10… But they are real ones!

I have a family… maybe scattered in many countries, but I have family that I dearly love… Some talking to me some not (for past mistakes) but still I love them all. I have a mother that makes all the pain go away with a kiss. I have amazing brothers and sisters who all have grown up to be amazing adults that I am so proud of. I have a father that I hurt a lot for past reasons that I have asked for his forgiveness for the pain I caused him and tried to explain to him the reasons of the pain and anger towards him… That father might not be talking to me but I wish him all the happiness and health! And let’s not forget the rest of my family that always make me feel happy to hear from.

I have a job that I LOVE… I have been called actually a workaholic today. But I can’t help loving what I’m doing and of course the owner of this company is a man if ever needs a kidney I would take one out of me to give him as I think that man I owe him my life!

I have a long past that is full of action, pain, fun, sadness and happiness… Things I did wrong and said I was sorry for. And wrong things happened to me, which I have forgiven!

If this is the end of the world… I will leave this world sad for missing all these great things, but I have to admit I will leave with a smile that God has blessed me a wonderful life and great happiness!

Thank you GOD!

July 2, 2011

I am happy…

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FINLAND,FOOD,FRIENDS,HISTORY,KUWAIT,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL,WORK — by noracassandra @ 9:20 am

I just found sometime to write…

I actually don’t know where to start. So much has happened around me. Political stuff, mental stuff, heart related stuff, work, Iida, Ali.

Well. Politics… I do NOT give my opinion there… As I said in Cyprus before that in Finland and even before that in Kuwait. Wars and political issues always have 2 sides or more… And non I meet even wants to see both sides… As most of the world will say one side has the right, but still there in still the other side… In wars as in Cyprus Turkey’s war people said how bad the Turks were and how they did all the war crimes… They even try to plant hate in the kids’ hearts in schools toward the Turks. I disagreed with that as Iida came to me saying she had to write a school report of the war crimes Turkish Cypriot did to the Greek Cypriots. I simply told her if the teacher allows you to write of the war crimes the Greek Cypriots did to the Turkish Cypriots and vice versa than you can write the report but you are not allowed to take sides in a war happened decades ago! After all each war has it’s victims from both sides. Even if I am a Kuwaiti and love Kuwait and will never agree with Saddam did to Kuwait, I still know that, that war did not end with only Kuwaitis getting hurt. I know Kuwaitis also ended up doing war crimes against Iraqi soldiers and even Iraqi civilians living in Kuwait at that time. In my opinion as a Fin, things should be talked about and found solutions without troubling anyone’s life… But then again if there never were someone who disagrees or protests the world would stop developing! After all how did women in Finland got their strong stand today if it wasn’t for the fight they went through… But still… I will never take sides in fights, conflicts or arguments that clearly are not for me!

I got let go from my previous job because of the mess that happened in Bahrain. I was broke, mentally tired, and not sure even if I would stay in Bahrain. I was so close to move back to Finland but to be honest was so happy things went back to normal and I got a new job!

I have to say Bahrain is back to normal. Yes you see still check points and security police around more than you did 6 months ago, but it’s back to normal. Friends are back to their spots meeting up, Sunni and Sheea friends are still on same table joking and enjoying life and their friendship. So I am staying here and still think Bahrain is really cool and I love being here!!!

I love my new job! I will not talk about it much as I still have 1 more month of probation till I’m settled in. I just got to say I really love Restaurant, kitchen and FRONTLINE positions… So YES back to hospitality and restaurant business! 🙂

I’m still in Love with the same man! He is away right now in India which maybe is the reason I am at home and have the time to write as he left me his laptop! 😛

Iida got accepted to AMA school. She went for the entrance exam with Ali. She came out with the teacher, as it seems she got her impressed! She passed the exam with full mark and she was told that she would be put into A class… where they put all their hard-working students to not have bad influence from other students in other classes.

That’s about it for now! I am happy… Alive… In love… Enjoying my new job… And so proud of my little girl! 🙂

October 21, 2010

i can’t judge you just because in my ethics i think what you’re doing is wrong!

Filed under: BAHRAIN,FAMILY,HATE,LOVE,MAD,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD,WORK — by noracassandra @ 4:49 pm

i am so so so sorry… i judged again… i try not to… i try to understand so i would not judge.

back to an old story my mum made me change a lot of my ways of thinking about whores or prostitutes!!! i remembered the story because once again after so many years i used that definition to insult a woman who is sleeping her way to top or to keep a good position at my work place.

sorry mum for doing that… sorry for using the name of whore in such situation! i know and still remembered what you said.

why do you use that word to curse someone with it?

it’s an insulting and bad job, that’s why!!!

well, you say bad and insulting job… why?

because the woman gets paid for sleeping with some disgusting man that she doesn’t even like most of the time!!

so as a single woman when you need sex (as we all do) what do you do?

i call a friend that i might be using for such situations.

the friend is out of town, what do you do?

go out with the girls and see if i get lucky and meet some good looking man i would use for some time! 😛

and the good looking single young man, when he needs to get laid what does he do?

goes out see if he gets lucky!

so you, and the good looking young man would simply go out to see if you get lucky, maybe not first night but sure few nights out you would… right?

yes! but i don’t see what does this have to do with whores.!?

well you are 23… let’s say till the age of 40 maybe even 50 this will work… same goes to the good looking young man… ok… so what about a man that is fat, ½ bold, maybe some skin problem, ugly, shy and not asb young as you, but not old… what would he do when he needs to get laid??

hmmm.

will he get lucky going to a club like you or the young good looking man??

no…

so he doesn’t need to get sex???

well… yeh… i guess he does!!!

so 1 month, 2 months, 5 months maybe a year or 2… he is not getting laid!!! what do you think he will do???

rape??

oh… who will he rape? a young girl most probably… maybe your sister, your daughter… maybe you!?

well…

don’t say anything… just answer me. why wouldn’t you have sex with him so he won’t go out and rape??

i can’t sleep with someone i am not attracted to!!!

so you’re saying sleeping with such man is a very hard work??

god yeh!

almost impossible?

yes!

so the whore… is doing this difficult job of sleeping with this man… very difficult job as you said yourself… keeps some women safe from getting raped… your daughter, your sister and yourself included… she gets paid for this amazing hard work she did… man is happy paying as he feels good, relaxed and over the moon at last he got laid… NORA-CASSANDRA!!! what is the bad thing in prostitutes again??? why do you use the name whore to insult someone???

i’m so sorry mum… never looked at it this way… i will never use it to insult a woman because i’m angry at her ever again!!!

 ok… so i did that the last 4 days… i had 20 min prayer today asked for forgiveness from god and asked from the world to forgive me as well! the girl might be using ways i find unjust … or i find them dirty… and she might be doing things to hurt her fellow workers. but who am i to judge??? i have no right! no right what so ever!!! if she can get high that way and feels good about herself, then good for her. if someday she’ll feel guilty and bad hope she will find the way to forgive herself… again… i’m so sorry. i can’t judge you just because in my ethics i think what you’re doing is wrong!

September 15, 2010

how come you try to judge me, and expect me to judge you???

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FAMILY,FINLAND,FRIENDS,HATE,KUWAIT,LOVE,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 8:33 am

 

so this is to some people who are new to my blog…

 

my first name is nora cassandra… i was born in finland september 1978… my mum is practically an atheist and some moments i think she believes if there was a god then it’s a woman… her mother (or family) are christian lutherans. my dad has introduced himself with many religions, one was chritianity when met my mum another is science and last i knew about was a muslim sheat… my dad’s family are sheat muslims… i was also baptised in a greek orthodox church before marrying my second husband…

 

i was raised for my first 7 years in finalnd… churches was somewhere i visited very often with my grandmother… so yes i did grow up thinking god’s name is jesus!!!! and it was also where i was taught women have rights and so does children and animals!!! then after i was kidnapped by my dad… i was beaten up for over 6 years to pray a prayer and do things without being convinced about them… i still have bruises at my age to remind me… and my dad’s family, when i became a teenager and after years of trying to do what they want me to do just to get their love… rejected me. i was called names behind my back as the christian’s daughter… not original… and of course the worst of all (my dad’s name)’s daughter!!!! at the age of 15 i knew i was and will never be a muslim… with all my respect to my muslim family they were never able to convince me… and with all my respect to my sunnat muslim teachers, they never were able to convince me either!!!

 

i was into cars, motorbikes, sports, politics but not shopping nor love… i was a man who was in a woman’s, body… but i wasn’t into girls and don’t think will ever be… so i’m straight!!! it was just that kuwaiti women were not kind of women i would get along with… so i hanged out with guys… never had sex nor real boyfriend with sexual relation… max i did was kissing but even that didn’t feel much so never was in love in my teenage years… so i wasn’t a bad girl not even if you go through islamic or any religion’s (laws)… i just liked things boys liked and was accepted by them as one of them!!!

 

i was very angry young woman… but i still believed that i had rights to choose my life and my actions just as i remembered i had the right in finalnd… i had my first sexual relationship when i was 20… i had real intercourse… i do not regret it and still would do it again with the same guy… no i was not in love with him, but we had such a connection that it felt right!!! months after that got married to a sunni muslim (not the man i had sex with) at the age of 20, what do we really know about love… i just wanted to get out of my dad’s house and away from a family that hates me because i’m different!! but sadly it didn’t work out… as i was alone in kuwait no family except a husband that we fell out of love in few months… i had no one!!!

 

i went to finalnd… in finalnd at first i was trying to do what ever my mum wanted me to do or i thought she wanted me to do… that what all the hate and beating in kuwait taught me… you should act and behave in the way people want you to do so you would be loved… but soon after i realized my mum was nothing like that!!!!

 

i could be a jew, muslim, christian, atheist or even a satanist as long as she cared… she just wanted to see me happy… came a day where i was dating tony… my big love and heartbreak… she did not like him at all.. well he was a dealer and a looser but i still fell for him… she said to me she didn’t like him and wishes i would see that he is no good for me, but in the end of the conversation she said nora cassandra, i love you and you are an adult… i will love you if you date the devil himself as much as i will love you dating a saint… nothing will change my love to you!!!

 

another thing she always reminded me with is that i’m a woman… i need men for one thing only in my life as a young lady… i need them for sex only… i do not need one to take care of me… i do not need a man to have kids as i have my daughter… i do not need them to make me feel safe as i can do all that myself… so when i meet a man i like a lot, feel comfortable to spend my time with, share my empty space with, sleep next to regularly, enjoy sex every time, and he is not trying to take over my life, that is a man i will keep dating for as long as this good feelings last!!!

 

i do not believe a woman should be virgin when she marries… i do not believe a woman should get engaged and suddenly move into a man’s house and live with for ever… i believe in sharing lives with people you think you can and try to live with for years before marrying or taking such steps… i’m a difficult woman to handle… very stubborn and such a pain… can’t relax sleeping next to someone in same bed easily… been married 2 times… been raised up and lived through different religions, culture and countries… i walk with finnish passport and a finnish name… so my kuwaiti part of family won’t be insulted with my view for life… i am NOT a muslim… i am NOT a christian… i am just a simple human who believes in her own believes and respect each one of you for yours… so if you are a woman who says you are 1/2 arab and 1/2 non arab and believe a woman should be a virgin i respect you for that… but in return you need to learn how to respect me for just being me… i do not advice any young girl from any religion or country to have sex or don’t have… as i said i believe in freedom of choice!!!

 

we are just human… how come you try to judge me, and expect me to judge you??? respect and love is all what there is that will keep peace in this world and can save it… war, hate, anger and human judgments will just bring destruction!!!!

August 30, 2010

don’t think it can’t happen, because it can…

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FRIENDS,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD,STELIOS — by noracassandra @ 9:48 am

a person that has faith and trust people… even after every time i have got slapped by life or got my heart-broken… somehow i still get up and trust someone else in my life that usually helps me to get over the last pain by his/her words and in most cases that person been a friend nothing more…

 

last time my heart got broken was last winter… i had to stop the work in the cafe shop where i had to work over 12 hours/ 6 days for 15 euros a day… i was managing, waitering, cleaning, ordering and even checking stock…. and didn’t see my sweet daughter who stayed home alone every day. and when i did stop that meant no food… no food for me and iida. we had some pasta in the house and few bags of beans… that was all!!! but that was not the heart break, it was when i picked the phone and texted a man who promised to help if i needed any help in the winter… stelios who always was the nicest and a wonderful person knew i was alone with my girl, he was working for his father in the restaurant… our divorce was not final yet so legally he was still my husband… so yes… he broke my heart when i texted him and told him;

i never asked you for money and i will still not ask.. but i had to stop work in the cafe. and now me and iida have no food. i just was wondering if you could bring us sometimes food from the restaurant as the food is free for you there!

and guess what… the loving man i once knew… had no heart not even to answer and apologise or tell me he couldn’t!!! he just ignored! it’s ok i said to my self and we managed with boiled pasta and once a week some beans… and we are both strong women and can get over anything… and my friends in bahrain kept my heart smiling telling me how i have real friends here and how i will have better life! after sometime i said it’s ok… stelios is not a bad person. he is just in a new relationship and most probably his new woman doesn’t want him to be contacting his ex…

 

one of the friends from bahrain… actually the main one… who always kept telling me the right things… who always showed that he/she will be standing by my side as he/she is a true friend… we spoke, texted ever few weeks at least just to give me a boost and help me through some hard times!!! i came to bahrain to find him/her suddenly paying for so many things that made me so uncomfortable… and in my head i said he/she was just a friend and i will pay him/her back as soon as i’m settled and get to make my salary… then come the day where he/she says to me to get lost… i tried to understand why… did i do anything wrong??? the words were clear GET LOST… i said ok, maybe he/she needs his/her space so i backed off… but somehow it felt more personal, when i get news from other friends the he/she has been making contact with them… ok what did i do wrong… i know he/she keeps telling me i should change my hair and i look ugly with my hair and it’s too short and the colour is so wrong, but come on no real friend would want to stop talking to you because of your hairstyle!!! it’s just not possible!!! not in my experience and i had many including my best friend in the world EMMI… she never liked my clothes or sometimes my style in other things… and she made it clear and said it out loud then after some time hugged me and said but you know what i love you for you so i do not care how you look… after all she is my friend and doesn’t have to wake up in the morning to look at my style and face nor will she be having sex with me to bother if my style turns her on or no…. so why would a friend stop talking to me because of my hairstyle… i think as few other friends around us that it’s something else that has nothing to do with my hair style!

 

well he/she is a good person… and i wish him/her all the best in life… i will always love this person and always remember the good things he/she did for me, the good amazing laughs we had… great meals he introduced me to… i will always love this person just the way i love stelios… just the way i love many other people who broke my heart but i forgave them!!! and so… i forgive you… and i’ll always be bit sad for losing a friend and a person i love from my life, but don’t think it can’t happen, because it can and it happened to me!!!

September 1, 2009

LIFE IS MAKING ME SMILE MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD!!! :-D

Filed under: FAMILY,FRIENDS,LOVE,PAST,PERSONAL,WORK — by noracassandra @ 10:24 pm

life changing bit too fast… will have more time soon to write about it!!! so than you everyone for all your lovely messages to my email and to my facebook… thank you for all the sweet texts messages and nice phone calls i have got from all of you my dear friends!!! 🙂

i am tired from work but really excited about what’s coming a head!!! 😉

June 14, 2009

UNFAIR WAY TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS!

Filed under: CYPRUS,HEALTH,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD — by noracassandra @ 7:20 am

I have been through a car accident!!! My neck is hurt and so are my shoulders!!!

What pisses me off… how come when someone stops suddenly in front of you then give a single that he/she will be turning and because of that you end up crashing to them… and that considered your fault!!!! Same with the motorbike accident I was in over 11 years ago… I mean we were driving on the fast lain… and this slow care from the second lane (no cars in front of him) decides he would like to try our lane… so we crash into him and it ends up our fault as we hit him from behind!!!!

It’s unfair!!! :’-(

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