SHE WHO ENTANGLES MEN

July 2, 2011

I am happy…

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FINLAND,FOOD,FRIENDS,HISTORY,KUWAIT,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL,WORK — by noracassandra @ 9:20 am

I just found sometime to write…

I actually don’t know where to start. So much has happened around me. Political stuff, mental stuff, heart related stuff, work, Iida, Ali.

Well. Politics… I do NOT give my opinion there… As I said in Cyprus before that in Finland and even before that in Kuwait. Wars and political issues always have 2 sides or more… And non I meet even wants to see both sides… As most of the world will say one side has the right, but still there in still the other side… In wars as in Cyprus Turkey’s war people said how bad the Turks were and how they did all the war crimes… They even try to plant hate in the kids’ hearts in schools toward the Turks. I disagreed with that as Iida came to me saying she had to write a school report of the war crimes Turkish Cypriot did to the Greek Cypriots. I simply told her if the teacher allows you to write of the war crimes the Greek Cypriots did to the Turkish Cypriots and vice versa than you can write the report but you are not allowed to take sides in a war happened decades ago! After all each war has it’s victims from both sides. Even if I am a Kuwaiti and love Kuwait and will never agree with Saddam did to Kuwait, I still know that, that war did not end with only Kuwaitis getting hurt. I know Kuwaitis also ended up doing war crimes against Iraqi soldiers and even Iraqi civilians living in Kuwait at that time. In my opinion as a Fin, things should be talked about and found solutions without troubling anyone’s life… But then again if there never were someone who disagrees or protests the world would stop developing! After all how did women in Finland got their strong stand today if it wasn’t for the fight they went through… But still… I will never take sides in fights, conflicts or arguments that clearly are not for me!

I got let go from my previous job because of the mess that happened in Bahrain. I was broke, mentally tired, and not sure even if I would stay in Bahrain. I was so close to move back to Finland but to be honest was so happy things went back to normal and I got a new job!

I have to say Bahrain is back to normal. Yes you see still check points and security police around more than you did 6 months ago, but it’s back to normal. Friends are back to their spots meeting up, Sunni and Sheea friends are still on same table joking and enjoying life and their friendship. So I am staying here and still think Bahrain is really cool and I love being here!!!

I love my new job! I will not talk about it much as I still have 1 more month of probation till I’m settled in. I just got to say I really love Restaurant, kitchen and FRONTLINE positions… So YES back to hospitality and restaurant business! 🙂

I’m still in Love with the same man! He is away right now in India which maybe is the reason I am at home and have the time to write as he left me his laptop! 😛

Iida got accepted to AMA school. She went for the entrance exam with Ali. She came out with the teacher, as it seems she got her impressed! She passed the exam with full mark and she was told that she would be put into A class… where they put all their hard-working students to not have bad influence from other students in other classes.

That’s about it for now! I am happy… Alive… In love… Enjoying my new job… And so proud of my little girl! 🙂

September 15, 2010

how come you try to judge me, and expect me to judge you???

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FAMILY,FINLAND,FRIENDS,HATE,KUWAIT,LOVE,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 8:33 am

 

so this is to some people who are new to my blog…

 

my first name is nora cassandra… i was born in finland september 1978… my mum is practically an atheist and some moments i think she believes if there was a god then it’s a woman… her mother (or family) are christian lutherans. my dad has introduced himself with many religions, one was chritianity when met my mum another is science and last i knew about was a muslim sheat… my dad’s family are sheat muslims… i was also baptised in a greek orthodox church before marrying my second husband…

 

i was raised for my first 7 years in finalnd… churches was somewhere i visited very often with my grandmother… so yes i did grow up thinking god’s name is jesus!!!! and it was also where i was taught women have rights and so does children and animals!!! then after i was kidnapped by my dad… i was beaten up for over 6 years to pray a prayer and do things without being convinced about them… i still have bruises at my age to remind me… and my dad’s family, when i became a teenager and after years of trying to do what they want me to do just to get their love… rejected me. i was called names behind my back as the christian’s daughter… not original… and of course the worst of all (my dad’s name)’s daughter!!!! at the age of 15 i knew i was and will never be a muslim… with all my respect to my muslim family they were never able to convince me… and with all my respect to my sunnat muslim teachers, they never were able to convince me either!!!

 

i was into cars, motorbikes, sports, politics but not shopping nor love… i was a man who was in a woman’s, body… but i wasn’t into girls and don’t think will ever be… so i’m straight!!! it was just that kuwaiti women were not kind of women i would get along with… so i hanged out with guys… never had sex nor real boyfriend with sexual relation… max i did was kissing but even that didn’t feel much so never was in love in my teenage years… so i wasn’t a bad girl not even if you go through islamic or any religion’s (laws)… i just liked things boys liked and was accepted by them as one of them!!!

 

i was very angry young woman… but i still believed that i had rights to choose my life and my actions just as i remembered i had the right in finalnd… i had my first sexual relationship when i was 20… i had real intercourse… i do not regret it and still would do it again with the same guy… no i was not in love with him, but we had such a connection that it felt right!!! months after that got married to a sunni muslim (not the man i had sex with) at the age of 20, what do we really know about love… i just wanted to get out of my dad’s house and away from a family that hates me because i’m different!! but sadly it didn’t work out… as i was alone in kuwait no family except a husband that we fell out of love in few months… i had no one!!!

 

i went to finalnd… in finalnd at first i was trying to do what ever my mum wanted me to do or i thought she wanted me to do… that what all the hate and beating in kuwait taught me… you should act and behave in the way people want you to do so you would be loved… but soon after i realized my mum was nothing like that!!!!

 

i could be a jew, muslim, christian, atheist or even a satanist as long as she cared… she just wanted to see me happy… came a day where i was dating tony… my big love and heartbreak… she did not like him at all.. well he was a dealer and a looser but i still fell for him… she said to me she didn’t like him and wishes i would see that he is no good for me, but in the end of the conversation she said nora cassandra, i love you and you are an adult… i will love you if you date the devil himself as much as i will love you dating a saint… nothing will change my love to you!!!

 

another thing she always reminded me with is that i’m a woman… i need men for one thing only in my life as a young lady… i need them for sex only… i do not need one to take care of me… i do not need a man to have kids as i have my daughter… i do not need them to make me feel safe as i can do all that myself… so when i meet a man i like a lot, feel comfortable to spend my time with, share my empty space with, sleep next to regularly, enjoy sex every time, and he is not trying to take over my life, that is a man i will keep dating for as long as this good feelings last!!!

 

i do not believe a woman should be virgin when she marries… i do not believe a woman should get engaged and suddenly move into a man’s house and live with for ever… i believe in sharing lives with people you think you can and try to live with for years before marrying or taking such steps… i’m a difficult woman to handle… very stubborn and such a pain… can’t relax sleeping next to someone in same bed easily… been married 2 times… been raised up and lived through different religions, culture and countries… i walk with finnish passport and a finnish name… so my kuwaiti part of family won’t be insulted with my view for life… i am NOT a muslim… i am NOT a christian… i am just a simple human who believes in her own believes and respect each one of you for yours… so if you are a woman who says you are 1/2 arab and 1/2 non arab and believe a woman should be a virgin i respect you for that… but in return you need to learn how to respect me for just being me… i do not advice any young girl from any religion or country to have sex or don’t have… as i said i believe in freedom of choice!!!

 

we are just human… how come you try to judge me, and expect me to judge you??? respect and love is all what there is that will keep peace in this world and can save it… war, hate, anger and human judgments will just bring destruction!!!!

August 30, 2010

don’t think it can’t happen, because it can…

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FRIENDS,MY DAUGHTER,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD,STELIOS — by noracassandra @ 9:48 am

a person that has faith and trust people… even after every time i have got slapped by life or got my heart-broken… somehow i still get up and trust someone else in my life that usually helps me to get over the last pain by his/her words and in most cases that person been a friend nothing more…

 

last time my heart got broken was last winter… i had to stop the work in the cafe shop where i had to work over 12 hours/ 6 days for 15 euros a day… i was managing, waitering, cleaning, ordering and even checking stock…. and didn’t see my sweet daughter who stayed home alone every day. and when i did stop that meant no food… no food for me and iida. we had some pasta in the house and few bags of beans… that was all!!! but that was not the heart break, it was when i picked the phone and texted a man who promised to help if i needed any help in the winter… stelios who always was the nicest and a wonderful person knew i was alone with my girl, he was working for his father in the restaurant… our divorce was not final yet so legally he was still my husband… so yes… he broke my heart when i texted him and told him;

i never asked you for money and i will still not ask.. but i had to stop work in the cafe. and now me and iida have no food. i just was wondering if you could bring us sometimes food from the restaurant as the food is free for you there!

and guess what… the loving man i once knew… had no heart not even to answer and apologise or tell me he couldn’t!!! he just ignored! it’s ok i said to my self and we managed with boiled pasta and once a week some beans… and we are both strong women and can get over anything… and my friends in bahrain kept my heart smiling telling me how i have real friends here and how i will have better life! after sometime i said it’s ok… stelios is not a bad person. he is just in a new relationship and most probably his new woman doesn’t want him to be contacting his ex…

 

one of the friends from bahrain… actually the main one… who always kept telling me the right things… who always showed that he/she will be standing by my side as he/she is a true friend… we spoke, texted ever few weeks at least just to give me a boost and help me through some hard times!!! i came to bahrain to find him/her suddenly paying for so many things that made me so uncomfortable… and in my head i said he/she was just a friend and i will pay him/her back as soon as i’m settled and get to make my salary… then come the day where he/she says to me to get lost… i tried to understand why… did i do anything wrong??? the words were clear GET LOST… i said ok, maybe he/she needs his/her space so i backed off… but somehow it felt more personal, when i get news from other friends the he/she has been making contact with them… ok what did i do wrong… i know he/she keeps telling me i should change my hair and i look ugly with my hair and it’s too short and the colour is so wrong, but come on no real friend would want to stop talking to you because of your hairstyle!!! it’s just not possible!!! not in my experience and i had many including my best friend in the world EMMI… she never liked my clothes or sometimes my style in other things… and she made it clear and said it out loud then after some time hugged me and said but you know what i love you for you so i do not care how you look… after all she is my friend and doesn’t have to wake up in the morning to look at my style and face nor will she be having sex with me to bother if my style turns her on or no…. so why would a friend stop talking to me because of my hairstyle… i think as few other friends around us that it’s something else that has nothing to do with my hair style!

 

well he/she is a good person… and i wish him/her all the best in life… i will always love this person and always remember the good things he/she did for me, the good amazing laughs we had… great meals he introduced me to… i will always love this person just the way i love stelios… just the way i love many other people who broke my heart but i forgave them!!! and so… i forgive you… and i’ll always be bit sad for losing a friend and a person i love from my life, but don’t think it can’t happen, because it can and it happened to me!!!

August 25, 2010

now… how many friends do i have???

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FINLAND,FRIENDS,LOVE,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 10:25 am

if you die with a hand full of friends… meaning; if you dies with 5 real friends… it means you have lived a good life! that is what my mum once told me!! but how many do you really have???

 

i know i have emmi, anne, ida, kia, denise and alaadin…. i know those 5 a real true friends… maybe few of them sometimes don’t ask for days, weeks or even months… i know some of them i had more than one up and down with them!!! but non of them ever gave me his/her back when i needed the mental support!!!

 

a friend is not the one that gives you 1000 euros just because he/she has the money… the friend is the one who says to you come for a walk and buys you coffee and maybe a salad or snack to share (knowing you can’t afford it) while listening to the things you need to say. without making you feel cheep and that you need to pay anything back… make you feel of their support without making you feel that they are feeling sorry for you…. and when your true friend goes through the hard times all he/she expects is the same from you!!!

 

a true friend will tell you that he/she hates your hair cut but doesn’t care about a stupid hair cut because it’s your friendship that he/she really loves more than anything else… a true friend will tell you that they are so jealous of a woman/man you have met and you like….. not because they feel jealous you found someone to have your head on her/his shoulder but because they worry you will not need the friendship between you two after starting this relationship or falling in love, but they wish you all the best in love and in life with this person!!

 

sadly you have to get your heart-broken by few you thought were true friends, but it’s ok, life goes on and don’t ever regret trying or trusting…. remember the good moment, good laughs, good advices and the love you had if don’t still have for that friend… wish him/her the best in life, smile when you see his/her picture, comments or anything that reminds you of him/her… and just knowing you learned a lesson from the untrue friend is good enough experience!

 

now… how many friends do i have??? hmmmm… i know for sure i have those 6… but do you know how many friends do you have??? i do think i am getting to find out few other true friends i have… as it seems ebrahim is one that seems to be added to the list… big j, ali and diennah are not bad either… but time will show who is a true friend…

August 15, 2010

i’m writing again! :-)

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FRIENDS,MY DAUGHTER,PERSONAL,WORK — by noracassandra @ 1:01 am

been back to writing and i don’t mean writing here in my blog.. i actually started writing again from zero after loosing all what i wrote back 1,5 year ago in cyprus which made me so angry and with the hard life felt like giving up at least for some time!!!

i bought a new book i haven’t still read for paulo coelho who is my favorite writer!!! i’m reading the zahir… i was in a situation where i wasn’t sure should i take the arabic book to practice my arabic, but i ended up taking the english one just to feel bit safer i guess!!!

so writing, reading plus spending time with friends makes life so much easier… it seems i have a job interview coming up next few days so hoping that would go well!!! and my little iida is coming soon too so i think i will have a great week ahead!!! 🙂

August 5, 2010

bits and pieces in my new life

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FRIENDS,MY DAUGHTER,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 1:25 pm

just bought the zahir… been waiting to get this book for some time now…

 

been spending a lot of time with my friends in bahrain… ahmed, ali, dana and few others… met few new people… big j… he made an amazing impression on me… have to love the guy, you can’t help not to… haven’t been smoking a lot, actually almost nothing at all… never thought that would happen when moved to a country where cigarettes are cheaper than in cyprus! well guess it’s a good thing…

 

ahmed thinks i should be eating more, and seems big j is big supporter of the idea… i keep myself under controle even though it’s so hard with all the good food…

 

ali in the other hand is too smiler to me. we spend so much time together and almost meet up every day even for an hour or so just to talk… he is weirdly too smiler to me even though he is about 6 years younger than me, but then again one of my best friends in cyprus was about 8 years younger than me!!!

 

iida will join me soon and then i will relax… and seems i will have to colour my hair back to black because my blond white hair seems to be too extreme for them here… but i’ll enjoy it 2 more weeks at least… love my hair colour!!! 😦

August 3, 2010

oh my god… i’m in bahrain…

Filed under: BAHRAIN,CYPRUS,FAMILY,FRIENDS,MY DAUGHTER,PERSONAL,WORK — by noracassandra @ 11:47 am

i can’t believe i did it… i moved to bahrain… yes divorced, single mum, broke financially… but made my crazy move… i took my stuff (or what i could carry from them) and bought one way ticket and moved… i am still looking for work, but i believe i will find something real soon!


i do miss my friends in cyprus, and i do stress abit of what life will bring, but still i do feel much calmer and much more hope filling me here! just hope everything turnes out right! and please everyone remember me in your prayers!


sorry for the long absence, but i had no net nor lap top to keep posting the last 1,5 year… i do miss posting, and i do miss being online! i think this is one good thing in bahrain that  i got back on!

August 21, 2009

IT’S HARD… BUT I’M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Filed under: CYPRUS,FAMILY,FRIENDS,KUWAIT,LOVE,PERSONAL — by noracassandra @ 5:57 am

Somehow life works out always… a surprise visit from a friend i haven’t seen for over 7 years made me realize i still have a lot of hope… his visit came same day as my mum’s phone call… both made me feel much stronger an made me believe and sure now that everything will ok!!! true my mum’s call lasted 40 mins and i saw my friend just for 3 hours but it was all i needed!!! it’s just bit hard times i have to go through to enjoy better the life when things get all in order!


😀 life is full of surprises and it’s so exciting to wait for the next one always! 😉

June 14, 2009

UNFAIR WAY TO LOOK AT TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS!

Filed under: CYPRUS,HEALTH,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD — by noracassandra @ 7:20 am

I have been through a car accident!!! My neck is hurt and so are my shoulders!!!

What pisses me off… how come when someone stops suddenly in front of you then give a single that he/she will be turning and because of that you end up crashing to them… and that considered your fault!!!! Same with the motorbike accident I was in over 11 years ago… I mean we were driving on the fast lain… and this slow care from the second lane (no cars in front of him) decides he would like to try our lane… so we crash into him and it ends up our fault as we hit him from behind!!!!

It’s unfair!!! :’-(

June 9, 2009

Filed under: CYPRUS,FRIENDS,PAST,PERSONAL,SAD,WORK — by noracassandra @ 4:58 am

So I work! I think everyone noticed that I am! 😛 I’m too tired… and have no time to post!!! But some interesting things have happened! Some very interesting things have made me realize nothing is as it seems!!!!

Will be talking about them soon… as soon as I have the time to post! :-*

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com.