what a feeling… i know there were days where i wished i was free and didn’t have my daughter to strict me and my life… i wished i was free to travel and work what ever i feel like working where ever i wanted in this world!!! as a young girl my dream was to be a journalist that would find herself in war one day and another in africa reporting the poverty and it’s problems… one day in a sport event where i would have to report every detail… and one day in a natural disaster trying to show the world the help people need there…
but i had a daughter… iida is going to be 11 in 3 weeks and 5 days! took me few years to learn how to give up few dreams and few life choices i would have made if i didn’t have her!!! took me even longer to learn how to be a single mum and to understand it’s all on me and my responsibility to choose the way i see is the best for her!
i didn’t realize how much i loved her till she left for her summer holidays to finalnd. first time she was going to be away for over 15 days! she’s been away for over 10 weeks now! i can’t sleep some night… i need to get myself into exhausting stage so i could pass out and sleep… most of the time i’ll end up sleeping watching tv on the sofa… my neck has got to a really bad stage with this bad sleeping situation!! 😛
my daughter have saved my life more than once… she is my true guardian angel… i did realize how lost i am without her… she keeps me strong, she keeps me safe mentally, she keeps me company, she reminds me of my way in life and what i need to do… she makes me smile and she makes my heart go back to its normal beat when she comes and hugs me and tells me how much she loves me and reminds me that i am not a bad mother after all!
she should have come lest week… and still the tickets getting delayed and messed up as she is under 14 traveling alone from finland to bahrain and it’s seems really difficult to get it fixed!!!
i want my iida back!!! 😦 i don’t know what to do!