IT’S HARD… BUT I’M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Somehow life works out always… a surprise visit from a friend i haven’t seen for over 7 years made me realize i still have a lot of hope… his visit came same day as my mum’s phone call… both made me feel much stronger an made me believe and sure now that everything will ok!!! true my mum’s call lasted 40 mins and i saw my friend just for 3 hours but it was all i needed!!! it’s just bit hard times i have to go through to enjoy better the life when things get all in order!

life is full of surprises and it’s so exciting to wait for the next one always!

I AM A PROUD ½ KUWAITI

Why do people deny their blood? Why they are not proud of the blood running deep inside of them??? Why a man comes to me with heavy Indian accent and when I ask him where is he from he says he’s from Barcelona? Why does a Bengali man say at last I’m going to my home country and when asked he says USA? When asked if he was born there he says no just moved there 3 years ago. Why when meeting a black man playing basketball and ask him so where are you from he says I’m from the states with this heavy African accent?? Why? Why is it when an Indian guy come to chat up my friend with his horrible (English wanna be) accent doesn’t simply say I am from Indian origin but I was walk the world with an English nationality?

I know why I denied my ½ blood! I was angry! I hated my dad! So I never wanted even to think of his blood that runs in me! For over 7 years I said I was ½ Finnish and ½ black (never made it clear what black) some days I was ½ English, some ½ African, and some ½ American! But never ½ Arab or Kuwaiti!

I am a proud ½ Kuwaiti! Yes I have my issues with my dad… yes I will never be friends with him! But I’m damn proud of my blood!!! My ½ blood come from a wonderful family! They are good people… ok no family is perfect with any issues… but they are good people! Yes true I do not believe in ½ of what they believe in, but who the hell I am to judge their believes??? They are a family that built them selves from scratch! Their money was not found in trees, but they worked their asses so hard to make it! They are smart people! Their children are doctors and all university graduates! They worked hard (or most of them did) to keep their family together! They are respectful and very well loved by other families! So you are damn right to get to hear me say I’m proud to carry their blood! Maybe I will never have contact except by very few of them… but I’m still proud of the rest of them!

True I walk the ground of this earth with my Finnish nationality that I’m so proud of… But that doesn’t make me deny or less proud of my ½ Kuwaiti blood!

So! Hello! My name is Nora Cassandra and I’m ½ Kuwaiti!

IT ALWAYS HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE A FRIEND!!! :(

I though I made a friend last year… I just thought! I’m bit hurt at the moment! Now I am the type of person I don’t get upset for someone not liking me, or not being able to be my friend… as we all are different and have different opinions about people and life! So no way I will find that all the people in this world loving me… and no way would they all hate me!

This story is different… a person used to read my blog, and I read and still read his/her blog… the he/she came to visit me with some friends… we had or thought we had 3 lovely days! We kept in contact, and got few small chats of him/her, few messages and few comments on my blog… then… then suddenly everything stopped… I sent messages, I commented on his/her blog every now and then, but nothing came back!

Suddenly one night I god a text message very late and it was from him/her… saying he/she is coming with some friends… so I sent back a message saying when next morning… but guess what??? No answer!

Last night was the last thing which really hurt me! I was walking in Agia Napa when I suddenly heard someone calls my name… I look and it was one of this person’s friends that came with him/her last summer!!! I hugged him/her, chatted for few minutes and huge smile on my face! Until he/she tells me that they told my friend about him/her coming so my friend would tell me!! Then went back to the Stelios’ work place and suddenly it hit… this person really has never been my friend… it was just for fun, or curiosity about this crazy ½ Kuwaiti girl that lives and strange life and maybe it was my F1 posts, or maybe just because I seemed different!

Now if you don’t think well about me, or you don’t like me, I have no problem with that what so ever! If you don’t want to have any contact with me that is ok too! But it is rude for a person to be sending me messages at 2am drunk telling me friend I’m coming to Agia Napa then ignores my messages next morning… and it’s rude when you are told to tell me that someone is coming as I saw clearly this person have been looking for me, and was shocked as I wasn’t told he/she was coming!!!

So my friend that I thought you was my friend! I did really care and still care about you as I thought you were a lovely person! But please delete my name from your phone, emails and your msn so I wouldn’t get messages again from you at 2am!!!

It always hurts when you lose a friend!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR EEVA

Sorry as I will not be posting about the F1 tonight but I will do it by tomorrow after I see the repeat as sadly I will be out at the time of the race! But I’m writing this post to say few things I need to say to a lovely woman!

It’s my mother’s birthday today! Yes a lovely strong woman I know! EEVA… she keeps saying that the day she saw my bottom and breathed after hours of labor and smiled saying: it’s a girl!!! She keeps saying how proud she for having a strong woman like me for a daughter…

Well I really want to say this out loud… I’m nothing of a woman if it wasn’t for her! This woman went through hell and still walked out with head up and strong as any woman can ever be! This woman had her daughter kidnapped from her, lost her for 15 years with quite few hopes through out that period of time that made her think that life is coming back to her, just to loose it again… but she kept strong, what if that girl would show up one day on her door step!? And so that little girl did one day, but she was no little girl anymore… she was a woman and a mother herself.. she was lost, and didn’t know what to do! She was weak and she felt so lost even when she was over 20… so the next few years this amazing woman keeps teaching her lost girl how to be strong like her… if it wasn’t for her and her love, strength and advice her little girl would have grown to be as wise as I am today!

I love this wonderful mother of mine!!! I am so sad I can’t be with her today… even though she knows I am with her with all my heart as I was for in the 15 years I was forced to be far away from her! At least I was able to send her a lovely leather Gabor hand bag and some hallumi and Cyprus sausages for her to enjoy! I am truly lucky and honored to have Eeva as my wonderful mother!

A JUST HAD TO ARGUE ABOUT HAPPINESS!!! :(

Ok people… first of all… I really don’t want you to take this personally, nor think I am trying to attack your believes or religion… remember ½ of my family are muslims and I love them truly!
I had a big fight with a friend today! He was telling about how he is happy as he is a muslim, and how I’m not happy because I’m a free spirited woman who is non muslim!!!
First thing came one was how happy I will be when my daughter decides to have sex… now my daughter is 8… she will always be a baby in my eyes… I will not even be able to imagine her having a husband and children… but it’s a fact she will grow up! Now I said I can’t stop her as I believe she has the full freedom and right to do what she wants after an age (here it’s 16-18)… he said so you’ll be ok if she has sex with a man that is his age (now he is 37 so by then it would be 45-47)… now I said no I will not be happy, but I can’t force her not to… and as I learned from my mother I am allowed to tell her I’m not happy about it, but if she is happy, then I am happy that she is happy!!! (now here he says I’m living an unhappy life because I can’t force my daughter to not to do what makes me unhappy)…
Later on he talks about islam and marrying other women… with my respect I did study islam and the woman has to know when he will do that and marry some one else while she is still his wife!!! Right??? Well here her agreed and said his wife is ok with it… now here when I said so you trying to convince me your wife is happy that you are having sex with another woman??? He said yes! Now he got angry when I told him there is no woman on earth that is happy that her husband is with someone else!!! Not even a sick woman that can’t give pleasure to her husband… she will still feel bitter and sad that he had to go with someone else!!!! And as I told him that (ok I was also using dirty words and he going and ******* another woman’s ***** and then coming home to put his **** in her *****)… so it was more of a fight!!!!
Now my question is… you as a man do you really believe your wife is happy (even when says ok you can get married to another) when you are sleeping with another woman????
And you woman… leave the religion aside and tell me the truth… will you be happy if your husband did that???
It might be just me that can’t see how a woman is happy when she is not allowed to complain and I am un happy because I have the freedom of choice and walking out with ½ of the house, car and everything else as well as kids will belong fully to me and he’ll have visiting rights if he ever touched another woman!!!
Please remember i’m NOT talking about islam… but about happiness in one subject!!!

IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NO LOVE

I read yesterday from a girl; actually a very young girl saying there is no real love anymore today… it kind of broke my heart! So this is what I told her today!

So I’m taking this time to send you a message telling you about things people learn from life… ok not all but some people do!

I’m ½ Kuwaiti so I have lived there and know how things worked… I was married to a Kuwaiti for less than a year as well! Now from most Kuwaiti men I got the idea there is no love… they are all full of s*%^…

Now… love is not something you feel as they tell you butterflies and twinkles in your belly… it’s not you can’t sleep the nights thinking of him (or her)… it’s nothing as such! That is called excitement… just the butterflies you get before the teacher calls your name to give you your test result back… the same as when you get when you see a sex scene or a good kiss scene on TV!! That is hormones and excitement!

What they never taught me in Kuwait love is from both sides… you both have to work so fu*^#*@ hard to make it continue! Most men in Kuwait just come home ask for a f*^# and go to the dewaneya (place where Kuwaiti men gather) till 12am and expect you to make the love work! Now who said I fell crazy in love with my husband when we met?? I didn’t.. I lived with him for 1 year before he asked me to marry him! And I said ok but wasn’t even sure… then a another year we worked on issues… but I saw we were still going forward not back… so we married… and I have wanted to leave him like 100 times in the last 4,5 years with him… I wanted to have sex with at least 10 guys through this time (but i didn’t)… so is this what you thought love was? Fights, wanting to have sex with other men (or women), hating each other, and hoping to even die sometimes???

You see you need to learn how to love some one even if it is your child… you think children are born and loved by their parents (especially from their mums)??? Even that love is to be learned… you think it is because they told you it should be… there are mothers never wanting their children, not because they are bad women but because they just simply were not ready to love them! Love is to be learned… you learn to love your child, as you learn how to love your mum or dad, and the same way you learn to love a stranger (partner to be maybe)… even your friends, it’s not you are born to love them but you learn to!

Now between two friends… I mean good friends… I mean perfectly best friends… aren’t their fights?? My god my and Emmi (my life’s best friend) have had our disagreements, or different opinions… but why do we still love each other so much?? It’s because we learned, then we both worked on it… if I was the only one trying to work it out and Emmi has a stubborn head and wouldn’t do anything to help it work, do you think we are still friends??? Of course not!

Same thing with love and family relationships, when a man can’t afford to get a maid or a big 3 bedroom house, or simply pay the woman to do her hair every 2 weeks… and the woman on the other side will never take it as her friend has all that… so why can’t I have it too she thinks… will it work??? when a man comes home from work asking about lunch, then eats, get his afternoon sex, then sleeps and wakes up and goes to see his friends then come home at 12 expecting the wife to be waiting and dinner served for him then sex and sleep and morning goes to work… and he would do this every day… do you think it would work?

Life is communication… you give up things and the other gives up things! You keep time for each other… you fight, but then both think and solve it… both take care of the house, children and the food… both have own friends and still can sit with the other’s friends and be able to handle it or at least pretends for 1 or 2 times a month!!!

Who said my husband like musicals??? Or dance shows??? But he would still sit and watch and even talk nicely about it so he won’t hurt my feelings! Who said I care if Omonia (his national team) wins or loses??? But I still would sit and support them even if it means listening to him talking about them for 1 hour!!! I don’t mind when he goes out with his friends for drinks in Agia Napa (and if you know what kind of a place is Agia Napa you will understand how hard it is)… and he as well doesn’t mind babysitting when I go out in Agia Napa too with my friends!

Love is not forever happiness and safety!!! It is full of sadness, hard times and dangers! The trick is… can you make it last???

Ps; maybe this will give you the idea what you demand from the man (woman) you think of spending your life with…

I HATE BEING SICK! :P

I have no idea what is this virus that’s been going on here! I felt sick on New Years Eve… today I’m still ill! I have been bad and then better just to get worse… I have been off work for few days with not much change! I mean I just have a flu! No need for anti-biotic the doctor said but because it’s been for so long and this ban he put me on 2 different ones! I hate medicine if you don’t know! I rather get better myself with maybe few teas and some aromatherapy oils! I tried and nothing worked… not even the anti biotic! I need a vacation, from my illness… I hate being sick, not because of the pain that comes with that but because I feel weak! I hate feeling helpless, in need of love and in need of attention! I hate that! I think that is for men that usually are dying because they got a cough! I love you men, but I’m used seeing you always dying when ill! I had the skin peeled off 2 arms, 1 leg cut open and other leg broken and I was still smiling and telling my friend not worry because things will be ok! I have been 42degrees fever and taking care of my kid and going to gym and school with out even noticing I was that hot! I don’t like feeling weak! Even when the doctor was telling me he’ll give me 1 week to stay home and get better, I was crying (I really was crying) and asking him please I can’t stay that long a way from work! i do hope it passes, not many can see I’m still very sick, but I know I still am! 

YEARS GONE AND COME AND I’M FEELING OK…

Thinking how my life has changed through out the last 28years and 11months and 9days!

My birthday is coming on 21^st of September! I’ll be 29! I don’t feel anything special, I mean I don’t feel bad for growing up and I don’t feel any good either! Just ok! I am half Finnish for the people who don’t know and half Kuwaiti! Strange mixture but there are few of us! I was born in Finland so I carry a Finnish passport! I could have the Kuwaiti one too but why the headache!? I lived in both country quit a time just to realize I don’t belong to either! I’m rebellion hardheaded and outlawed as Kuwaitis saw me! I’m too positive, taking like easy and happy as Finnish people saw me! I was outcaste from both of my countries!

I came to Cyprus with Emmi (my best friend) about 4 years ago! I met Stelios (TO STELIOS WITH LOVE!!) I moved here to find it so difficult to start once again from 0!!

4 years has passed! I just realized in my last session with my therapist when she asked me what would I feel if I was told my father just died? My answer was first and strange when I thought about it later on! I said; I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think I would care so much! I WON’T CARE SO MUCH???? That was a break through! I’m getting to the point of letting my anger go! If you have asked me that question 1 year ago the answer would have been; I’ll be so pissed off because I know he won’t suffer anymore in this life! But that wasn’t the answer this time!

Last Christmas my mother told me she will never forgive my father, but she wishes that I would! She explained; If I get to forgive and let go of my anger and hate to my father that would be a great gift to myself! I won’t have live in past if I let him go! I won’t have to ask myself over and over again (why)!!! I hope I reach that peak that I’m trying to climb to! I know I will, but it’ll take few more years!

2 MAGNIFICENT DAYS

I have to say I had 3 great days!! My friend came from Kuwait with another 2 guys on Thursday and they left on Saturday noon time… Yes 2 days only!!

I was worried! I kind of felt comfortable with my friend that I didn’t know so well… But the other two guys I didn’t know at all and I was literally freaking out… I was so worried they would remind me of the bad side of Kuwait and how my husband would react to them… But those guys proved me wrong! They reminded me of the good things I loved in Kuwait and they made my husband and daughter fall in love with them! Ok not fall in love but really happy to meet…

2 days is such a short time, and the day they left I was so sad and almost cried few times… But as I told myself I will see them again and how lucky I was to know them I didn’t really get depressed for them going so early! I think the funniest part of the day when they left was when I told Iida (my daughter) that the guys are leaving… she got this really sad face and asked me why did they stay for just one day (she only saw them on Friday) and why can’t they stay for ten weeks!!!! I think she meant ten days not ten weeks…

I want to thank the guys for making me so proud of Kuwaitis and Kuwait and making me and my family so excited and happy for the time they stayed here! I hope to see you all again soon!!

I’M ANXIOUS….

A friend from Kuwait is coming to visit! Tomorrow!!!!

I don’t actually know how to feel! Sometimes I’m so excited that I could fly, but other times I’m so nervous that I’d like to die!

This friend I met through my blog! And we do share our love to Kimi!! My Ice Man!! I’m so glad my husband is getting to meet some Kuwaitis and all I’m hoping for is they leave him with a good impression about Kuwaiti guys!

Now if you don’t know I’m half Kuwaiti and half Finnish and I live in Cyprus! So I am a very multicultural person! I’m not a Muslim but then again I’m not real Christian either even though I belong to the church and was baptized as an Orthodox Christian! I wear daring cloths! You can ask Emmi (my best friend) about how daring I could get! I sunbath topless and my husband hates it if I have anything but a string bikini on! He says I would look nicer with less tan lines!

So I was not accepted with my ways of thinking in Kuwait! Because they have a different way, which I do respect! So meeting after 10 years some Kuwaiti guys just make me wonder what will come out of it!? Am I going to remember the bad experiences I had? Or is it going to bring back to me the fun and good times I had? Are they going to be judging me? Or will they accept and respect me the way I am?

All these question will be answered after 1 ½ day!!!!